Let’s face it, weddings are stressful. There are to do lists a mile long, everyone chiming in on what they think you should do, budgets, deadlines, etc. It’s enough to put your brain on overload and stress you out to the max. However, your wedding should be the good kind of stress (known as eustress) not the red eyed flaming stress that turns you in to a dreaded Bridezilla.
Did you know that there is a psychological disorder called, “acquired situational narcissism?” That’s describes someone who has a feeling of grandiosity, lack of empathy, and rage as it pertains to a particular situation. -http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/weddings/2007/06/run_away_groom.html A great example is Christian Bale’s infamous and highly publicized rant at a crew member on the set of filming Terminator.
There is some profanity (particularly the f word) so this might be NSFW.
Does this look similar?
Each one of these brides is demonstrating acquired situational narcissism and it sort of breaks my heart, because a wedding should be about celebrating love, not firing your friends over not being able to take off work for a bridal shower.
So, what does one need to do to keep from spewing obscenities, insults, and fire at everyone in your general direction? Here are some of my tips for taming your inner Bridezilla or whatever sort of ‘zilla you identify with be it groom, mom, etc.
1. The most uttered phrase any Bridezilla will make, “IT’S MY DAY!” No dear ‘zilla, it’s not. It’s your partner’s day, your mother’s day, your father’s day, etc. A wedding should be about joining two hearts and two families. Everyone has a stake in making your wedding a day to remember. So, keep that at the forefront of your thoughts as you make your way through the planning gauntlet.
2. Stay organized! Whether you have a wedding planner or not, you must keep things organized. You don’t have to buy a fancy planning book as there are lots of free sources online to help you keep track of all of the details. Keep all of your receipts and agreements in one spot. Hit up one of those free sites and download yourself a checklist. Keep a personal to do list handy and be sure to check things off as you do them. Have lots of inspiration pics? Join a site like Pinterest and pin your inspiration there. It saves you from having to keep a massive cut and paste project.
3. Don’t make ridiculous demands of your wedding party. It’s 2012 and we are ALL busy. We all only get 24 hours in a day and to expect your wedding party to be at your beck and call and show up for your favor making sweatshop isn’t respectful of their time. Schedule a time to get together for a favor making party (provide drinks and snacks) and those who can show up will. Don’t expect them to pay for anything other than their attire. They are your friends and family, not a bank. Wanting a kick ass bachelorette party in Vegas and you live in Ohio? Bridesmaids was a movie honey, not a how to. If it’s something you and your party can afford, then by all means go for it, but if you and your party are strapped for cash…come up with another plan closer to home. This goes for bachelor parties as well.
4. Time management. The average couple has 12 – 18 months of planning time, so use it wisely. The less time you have to plan, the more important it is to spend your time wisely. The first priority should always be to secure your venue first. Then, you can get all giddy about bridal gowns. Speaking of bridal gowns, ideally, you need to get that ordered about nine months in advance. If you show up at a salon and you are four – six weeks from your wedding day, stick to the racks and what you can take home with you that day. Don’t make ridiculous demands of your consultant. If they can rush an order, awesome! Just expect to pay more and don’t demand that the salon pay the manufacturer for the additional costs. Pay close attention to those lists in your favorite bridal magazine or website as they are great guidelines to follow.
5. Stay within your budget and don’t even consider anything outside of it. Whether you and your love are paying for the wedding on your own or if you have financial help from other sources, stick to your budget! You can have a beautiful wedding at any price. Focus on the love between you and your soon to be spouse, not those chair covers you saw on “My Fair Wedding.” Mr. Tutera and his staff create some of the most gorgeous weddings out there, BUT those weddings would cost you well over $100,000. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have that sort of cash on hand and neither does my family. Want to know what my wedding budget is? It’s $5,000 for everything…even my dress. The easiest way to stay in budget…fewer guests.
6. Don’t expect perfection. Nobody is perfect and that means that there will be a few bumps in the road on your wedding day whether your have a planner or not. Would your entire wedding be ruined if there was a little nick in the fondant on your cake? Your garter forgotten? Lipstick was dropped on your dress? Your mother-in-law decides to wear blue glitter eyeshadow that makes her eyes look like a mutated peacock? NO, it won’t if you are truly focused on what a wedding is all about: love.
7. Expecting your partner to be just as psyched about wedding details and planning as you are is a bit unfair. Whether your partner is male, female, or both, typically one of you takes on the planning role and the other is there for the ride. There is likely a reason why you are doing most of the planning and he or she is not: you are more excited about the details such as letterpress vs engraving invitations. Don’t get upset about it, because at the end of it all you will be married to one another and you don’t want to ruin the experience by yelling and screaming over something so ridiculous as buttercream vs fondant. It was your choice to take on the planning role, now own it.
8. Finally, focusing more on planning the wedding than planning the marriage. Are there unanswered questions regarding who wants kids and how many? Will you have a joint bank account? If there is infidelity in the marriage, what would you do? Are you sexually compatible? Will you have a date night once a week, once a month? Any health concerns? Talk about all of the big issues and it might be worth it to have a counseling session or two to get feedback on your issues and your plan.